I woke up feeling great this morning, a little sore from my run last night and also from the 20 minute ab workout I did after the run. I lost a half pound from yesterday. I've been really hungry, it seems. In fact, I woke up at 3am and contemplated a huge spoon of peanut butter, but opted for a bite of leftover sausage quiche.I didn't understand why I've been so hungry until about an hour ago.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ME. I GOT MY PERIOD. AWESOME. REALLY. THANKS. 

That's going to make for a fantastic night, I'm sure. I can't wait to tell my hubby when he gets home from work.  (Insert sarcastic hhmmpphh here!)

Hopefully the advil will kick in soon and I can workout in a few hours anyway. We're keeping it low key tonight. We'll be hanging out with the kids, probably playing Wii.

Good luck everyone, avoiding bad food and drink and be safe if you're going out!

I just finished my 2nd successful attempt at Couch to 5k. I actually skipped ahead to the 2nd week's workout, as Week 1 seemed too easy when I did it on Sunday. I kind of figured this program was meant to start people out who don't workout at all. Amazingly enough, even chubby, I DO workout. I workout a lot in fact, and have regularly since June of this year. I found the 2nd week's running routine to be a bit easy also. On Thursday I may go ahead and move on to Week 3. I know you're not supposed to do that, but hey, if I were a rule follower I wouldn't be me, now would I?

I want to take a minute to pat myself on the back here though. Yes, I can run 2 minutes without dying. In fact, I can SING and run for 2 minutes without dying. "Big deal," some may say. Well, for me this is a HUGE deal. You see, I quit smoking in July of this year. I know it's only been 6 months, but this is the longest I've EVER gone without a cigarette in my ENTIRE ADULT LIFE (and yes, I'm ashamed to admit that is even to include during my pregnancies, when I'd sneak one in once a month or so when no one was looking!) Not only did I quit, but I quit cold turkey, with no pills, no patches, no mints, NOTHING. I had attempted this MANY MANY times, and never made it past a few days, but this time was different. Something just CLICKED for me. I believe it was my mother that did it. You see, she's in a nursing home. She's only 62 and in a nursing home. Sad, isn't it? I could go into a million things about that, but I'll skip past all the reasons why and just tell you I was on the phone with her one afternoon checking in and saying hello when all of a sudden she said "I have to go. They're coming to take me out for my smoke break. Love ya, bye." and she hung up. I thought, "How sad! My mother lives her entire life from 1 cigarette to the next." And my next thought was "Oh my. So do I!" And that was it. I smoked my last cigarette that day and I've never looked back. I think I finally just grasped the idea that I can't EVER AGAIN smoke a cigarette. If I smoke even 1, I might as well buy a carton and put on a Marlboro t-shirt!

So, I feel really good about this. I'm quite aware that quitting smoking added 15 pounds to my ass. It's ok. My ass will shrink. I'm quite aware that I'm now one of those self righteous reformed smokers who coughs and waves her hand when I smell someone smoking. I don't care. If that's what it takes for me to never smoke again, then so be it! 

Now, my next "grand task" is to apply those same principles that got me off of cigarettes to my eating habits. I have to stop living from one meal to the next. Stop obsessing about my weight. Stop obsessing about food. When I can accomplish that, I will have "gotten it!" Well, at least until the next big "addiction" in my life comes along. LOL

I played my guitar and wrote a little bit today. It felt good. I haven't written anything in a while, maybe since mid-summer? I noticed the callouses on my fingers were almost non existent. That's not good. I need to make a point to play my guitar everyday, if only for a few minutes. I want to write something about my mother but there's a pain there that's still too close for me to see objectively. Maybe soon. Maybe not.

I did the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred workout tonight. If she were my trainer, she'd make me cry, but in a good way. I see why they lose weight on that show. It was pretty intense, and I do some pretty good workouts. I think, though, that I've become too accustomed to all of THE FIRM dvd's that I do and they have gotten too easy. Maybe too easy is not the right verbage because I have one of the original THE FIRM dvd's from the 1980's and this woman Susan Harris really kicks my rear. But maybe I just need some new exercises? Like muscle confusion? Just a guess on my part, of course, but I'm giving it a shot, especially since I ate a small bag of nuts totalling about 10 carbs that came in a gift basket from Harry and David's. It arrived today from my father and I threw out EVERYTHING except the pears and the small bag of mixed nuts. Once I ate those, I stopped tracking my carbs for the day. I don't know why. I'm sure I didn't eat more than 30 carbs, even with those nuts, but whatever. It is what it is. At least I threw out the chocolate and the caramel corn. Oh how I love caramel corn!

Yesterday, after my "run/jog/walk", I decided I would put on my Ipod, draw a lavender scented concoction of goodness in a perfectly tempered tub of water, and do the next meditation lesson belonging to the series "Inside Out Weight Loss." So there I was , eyes closed, relaxing, really visualizing my perfect body and grasping how that body might feel, when all of a sudden I hear the loudest flatulence EVER! I open my eyes and to my horror my 9 year old daughter, Josephine has let herself in and is sitting on the commode right next to me taking a gigantic poop! YES, in the middle of MY spiritual awakening! Three toilets in the house, completely unoccupied, and she decides that THIS is the one she must use. Needless to say, it was difficult to concentrate after that, but I did get a good chuckle out of it later when I reiterated the wretched ordeal to my husband.

On a more serious note, I weighed in on Saturday, December 27th (which is my NEW official start date) at 177 pounds. My highest weight (without being preggo of course) is 178, so at least I didn't gain EVERYTHING back over the holidays! As of this  morning, I was 175 pounds. I'm shooting for a goal of 135 by June 1st, which is less than 2 pounds per week. I think this is reasonable with my efoorts. I'm not going bananas and starving myself and I'm not eating 10 carbs a day. I keep my carb intake between 20-25, with 12-17 of those carbs coming from vegetables on the acceptable foods list. So really, I'm on the first rung of Atkins OWL. If I find I'm not losing 2 pounds per week, I will drop my carb intake strictly to 20 carbs and go from there.

It's going to be a great week this week! I'm claiming it and that, my friends, is the NEW story of my life!

I just started two new endeavors today (aside from my usual Induction menu on the Atkins plan!) I began a series of podcasts called Inside Out Weightloss. I'm trying to do some housekeeping and figure out why I self sabotage and how I got myself into this mess in the first place. In the first few podcasts she had some questions to address. I'll be working on these for the next few days to really take some time and analyze how I feel about these things. 

What unwanted behaviors do you have?

I eat often and a lot. I make huge plans for drastic weightloss and then give up with the first set back. I eat too much sugar. I have a difficult time saying no to things I know I shouldn't eat/drink. I'm anti-social. 

What unwanted symptoms do you have?

I have a hard time working out. I don't fit in most of my clothes. My hips and shoulders hurt in the mornings. I sweat a lot.

What are the consequences of those behaviors and symptoms? 

I really should be going back to work now that both kids are in school, but because of my weight I feel embarassed and unworthy of even going on interviews. My husband and I are not as intimate as we should be. 

Who is effected? Who isn't? Everyone in my life is affected. I'm grouchy and sad a lot. I don't feel worthy of love. I sometimes yell at the kids when I shouldn't. I am whiny with my husband.

What is your dream? My REAL dream is to be a singer/songwriter/musician. That always has been my real dream. I see myself slim, beautiful, and with my guitar in hand in coffee houses and small venues across Florida. Another dream of mine is to run a marathon, which brings me to my next topic.

I started the "couch to 5k" program today. There was another podcast I downloaded for my ipod that made it really easy to keep track of time while I working the routine. It's always been a dream of mine to be a runner. I don't exactly know why. I just know I feel good after I run. This only requires a 30 minute commitment 3 times a week so it's something I can do for sure. I'm going to alternate this with some of my FIRM dvd's and some various workouts that I enjoy from exercise tv. I don't want to be too rigid about the other workouts. Just do what I feel like that day, whether it's yoga, strength training, step aerobics, an ab routine, or 45 minutes on the Wii Fit. I just know that 3 times a week, starting every Sunday, I'll begin a new routine of my Couch to 5k plan. I'm very excited about this!

For the past several months, my husband and I have been on and off of the Atkins diet. I haven't lost very much weight. In fact, I would venture to bet that if anything, I weigh MORE today than I did on our intial start date, which was October 16th. Days of cheating, drinking wine, eating cookies, and not exercising in between days of eating 10-15 net carbs doesn't do much for the old metabolism. 

I've also discovered that every time we travel to visit relatives, I immediately start eating like a pig. Maybe it's because said relatives smoke and I recently gave up smoking? Maybe it's some kind of internal childhood self sabotage mechanism? A long lasting issue with being the chubby kid maybe? I don't know what it is, but I do intend to win this battle with weight. I want to be healthy and beautiful and fit. I want to be in control of this problem. If I can beat cigarettes, I can beat weight! I'm sure of it., little by little!